Let' Give Em' Somethin' to Talk About..

Today I had the unique opportunity to speak with four young female members of a student council from an area high school. I was attending a press conference about risky teen behavior and ways to counter the culture. After listening to them talk about the pressures, and issues young people face, I posed a question: "If you could come up with a way to prevent teen substance abuse, how would you do it?" These were their suggestions:

- Have someone who had once struggled with substance abuse come speak at their school. Show a real life example of how their life was destroied by drug and how they turned it around. Ie, not just some authority figure telling them, "drugs are bad."

- Don't just have someone come once, but talk about the topic regualrly. Once is not enough- the novelty fades. In other words, the revived drug addic is effective for a little bit but then the shock value slowly disappears.

- "Cut it out with the posters... We don't read them." I personally thought this one was not funny, but a candid truth I've been saying for a while now, too.

I then asked how they felt about the current "Not Even Once" Meth Campaigns. (For those of you who have not seen them, they are graphic, harrowing stories of how meth can quickly ruin your life. If you want to see one, check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YaO4PMBrJI&feature=youtube_gdata_player )
When I asked this, every girl's face morphed into this expression as if I had suddenly turned into a ghost. All at once they described word for word the commercial (posted above) and how strongly it effected them and how horrified it made them feel.

After the conference was over and people were packing up their things, I asked three of the girls if their high school health class had ever discussed sexual assault. Initially, all three of them said no. Then one of the girls said, "Well, yeah, actually I think so...maybe for like 10 minutes or so." I asked what they said about it and she couldnt remember. The other two continued to deny it had ever take place. I then asked if they would be surprised if I told them that statistically, 1 in 4 college aged women would be the victim of rape before she graduated college. All of their expressions fell. They looked terrified- rightfully. The shock written all over their faces. One girl, a senior, looked at her three friends and said in a stunned whisper, "That's one of us." "I litterally have chills" said another as she lifter her arm to show me.

This experience was intereting for me. In many ways, it was a learning experience. It confirmed some of my ideas about rape education and made me think about others. But I haven't once stopped thinking about what I saw and heard from these young women today. I'm bothered by it, frustrated about it, but yet hopeful at the same time we can change it in the future. I'll explain...

What's frustrating to me is that we live in a society that refuses to acknowledge rape. What's worse is that we attend state funded high schools and pay small fortunes to attend public universities that refuse to not only acknowledge rape's detrimental presence, but even teach us anything about it! Here we're four, hard working, well adjusted upper classmen. They know good and well the risks and dangerous were of alcohol, drugs and tobacco. They are prepared to counter the pressures from their peers to indulge. They take the SAT, pick out a college, find a roommate and excitingly plan their futures. Sadly, the one thing these girls aren't aware of is a life altering crime one of them could be the victim of. This hurts me because I don't want any one to ever be assaulted, but it angers me because they don't even know the risk is out there. I couldn't help but see myself in some of these women. Trying hard to do the right, make good choices and be "ready" for the life ahead of me. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I too attended a high school that never brought it up and a college that did the same. So when it did happen to me, how was I to know what to do? What's a rape kit? Hell, what's rape? I though it was an ally- a stranger. I thought the hospital was for stitches and injuries. It wasn't a stranger, it didn't happen in an ally and I didn't have single mark on my body. How was I to know, when I lived on a campus where "rape" didn't happen?

But, the larger issue is that these campuses sit in a world where rape exists, but "never seems to happen" and victims are intimidated into silence. As a society, we have GOT to start acknowledging rape as a crime and it needs to start on all fronts. Education is a must. Men need to know exactly what rape is. 1 in 12 will commit the actions that constitute rape without acknowledging their actions as rape. We need clear, teachable examples of what rape is and situations it could be. Girls need to know that it happens, and when it does (heaven forbid) what that situation may look like. (ie, a familiar person in a familiar place, often with no more force than intimidation or the rapist just using her inebriation as a weapon.) People need to know how and when to step in when they see a situation that may be dangerous. Resources need to be well known, as does the process of the justice system if she so chooses that route. Most of all, the dialog needs to change. Sure, no one wants to think they know a rapist. It even took me six months to acknowledge my once "friend" as a perpetrator. But here's the reality: you likely know or have at least met at least one guy who's done it. Im not "man hating" and I'm not saying it's a huge group of men doing it. It's not. But the ones who are are doing so over and over again and getting away with it. So while you may have met a perpetrator, you have definitely met a victim- many more than you think. So why are we jumping to his defense instead of hers? Rape is no more falsely reported than any other crime, in fact, it's under reported. And based on the way society treats victims, I can assure you I dont see where women have anything to gain by false acusations. So victim blaming, let's cut it out.

But beyond education, this cause needs acknowledgement. There are meth campaigns, (as I mentioned earlier) drunk driving PSA's, Q
quit smoking ads....where is there any awareness for rape? The media is not all that crazy about saying the "R" word. We need to stop dodging the bullet and call it what it is: illegal in all 50 states and most countries. If the media won't discuss it, educators avoid it, and the legal system protects it (don't even get me started there- I'll save that little gem for a later post) then how can we expect to see a change?

But as I said earlier, I am hopeful we will see a difference. Though most of this blog is a rambling rant, I do have a lot of hope. I don't think I could embark on this Anti-Rape crusade if I didn't. I believe we can make a difference. In the near two weeks the MMOM Movement has been up and running, I have been contacted by hundreds of people who want to change the way our culture deals with rape. People want to see a difference, we've just not been sure how to do it. But now we do...Talk about it! Put it out there! Challenge rape supportive attitudes, empower victims to find their voices, push for better legislation and education... Move the movement! Let's build a society that stops turning it's head, starts educating young people and harbors a world where victims feel accepted, not ostracized. Let's do it, and let's do it together.