Crowning Disappointment
I spent my Sunday night begrudgingly watching Miss USA for a project I've been working on. I will try to separate my feeling about pageants from this post but to a small degree the two do go hand in hand. If you want to talk to women about foreign policy, why do 50 of them need to strut around in bikinis and evening gowns six times before finally giving 10 of them a chance to prove they have a brain?
I digress...
After several struts, smiles and costume changes, it came time for the interview. Up to bat, Miss Iowa. The question: "A recent New York Times story suggested "narcissism is an epidemic" and America's youth are turning into a "hyper-entitled self absorbed generation." Agree or disagree?"
The answer: "I actually do agree with that. I think social media and technology has allowed the youth to post pictures and videos of themselves. That to me seems kind of narcissistic."
Though I do love irony, I'll refrain from posting a link to her Facebook fan page.
Anyways, after a few more crown hopefuls came through we eventually got to Miss Nevada. This is where things got interesting. Her question, asked by Rumer Willis, comes after an alarming statistic about date rape on college campuses. Willis: "Why do you think this crime has been swept under the rug and what can colleges do to combat it?"
Miss Nevada: " I believe that some colleges may be potentially afraid of having a bad reputation and that would be a reason it would be swept under the rug- because they don't want that to come out into the public."
Yeah, I would agree with that. It does pose unique marketing challenges...
She continues: "But, I think awareness is very important so women can learn to protect themselves. Myself, a fourth-degree black belt, I learned from a young age that you need to be confident and be able to defend yourself. And I think that's something that we should start to really implement for a lot of women."
Ugh. What started strong ended with a nose dive into victim blaming. Shifting the responsibility right off the rapist to not rape, and directly on the victim to keep from being victimized. Lovely.
And let me just state for the record, It's not that I'm against self defense,pepper spray, or locking doors. I've taken self defense, at times have carried mace, and double check to make sure my doors are locked every night before bed. There is nothing wrong with taking extra precautions. But, the problem with her answer is that most women aren't fourth degree black belts, and confidence has nothing to do with becoming a victim of rape.
From the moment Rumer muttered the question, I knew this was coming. I was immediately flooded with a rush of emotions. On one hand, I was so glad this subject was even broached. Every year, the Miss America Pageant captures the attention of young women across the country, for better or worse. But I can't help but wonder if it would have been better for the cause had the question not been asked. Awareness is only helpful when it sends the right message. While I'm sure Miss Nevada never intended her message to be harmful, it is in turn saying, "I'm a black belt and I'm confident. I am fulfilling my responsibility to keep from being raped." It perpetuates that notion that if you didn't fight hard enough, or even at all- you allowed it. but in reality, very few people would use black belt karate moves on a friend, boyfriend or date. And those are the mass majority of people who commit rape. Nearly 90 percent of the time it's someone known to the victim. And, news flash: it's really hard to be an effective black belt when you're blackout drunk. Many victims are incapacitated or not in a position to give consent. Further more according to the National Report on Self Esteem, 98% of girls feel there is an immense pressure from external sources to look a certain way. By that measure, only 2% of girls feel confident in how they look. Thank GOD incidents of rape do not correlate with victims' confidence.
A recent UN study revealed 70% of men who admitted to committing rape did so because they felt entitled. Entitlement is a dangerous trait. But entitlement can likely be lessened through education. All the self defense in the world will not combat an attitude of entitlement. And as long as we continue to perpetuate the stereotype of rapists being masked criminals lurking in dark alleys, society will unsurprisingly continue to look to self defense as the answer.
Watching Miss USA didn't open my eyes to anything new in the world of pageants. I didn't expect it to. And even though the question took a turn I hoped it wouldn't, it being asked is an indicator of progress. There's a societal shift taking place. People are finally beginning to recognizing an epidemic that's existed for decades. But as Miss Nevada's answer proves, we've still got a long way to go.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Even If...
Rape and the blame game. Sadly, the two go hand in hand and it comes from every angle. From self- defense classes that, while helpful in some situations, also perpetuate an idea that women are responsible for keeping themselves from being raped. It comes from friends who dismiss your assault as, "boys will be boys." It comes from rape supportive attitudes, "she's been with everyone, now she just regrets it." It comes from attorneys who put the character of the victim on the stand, when 15 out of 16 rapists will never spend a day in jail.
Worst of all, the blame game also comes from victims them self.
Well... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. For every victim who has ever felt ashamed or to blame for their assault, this post is for you. Rape is NEVER your fault. Ever.
I'm starting a list called "Even if..."
We are going to add every possible scenario that could happen and make a victim feel guilty. Add to it and lets see how many we can get! You can tweet them to me at @BergenNBaucom with #EvenIf or you can add them to the comments section of this blog.
I'll start...
Even if... you were swinging naked from the rafters.
Even if... you said yes then midway through changed your mind.
Even if... you "led him on."
Even if... you told him you would.
Even if... you had been with 15 people already that night. If you didn't say yes to 16.... that's rape.
Even if you had been with 15 people at THE SAME TIME. (Curious how you did that logistically) but still... non means no and yes means yes.
Even if... you straddled him... both naked parts touching. No is no. Yes is yes.
Even if... you were on drugs.
Even if... you were drunk.
Even if... you are a prostitute.
Even if... you are a porn star.
Even if... you are a wanna be porn star.
Even if... you are a virgin.
Even if... you've been with so many people you lost count.
Even if... you talked dirty.
Even if... you watched porn together.
Even if... You've had sex with him before.
Even if... he's your boyfriend.
Even if... he's your husband.
Even if... he's your ex.
Even if... he was your first.
Even if... he said he loved you. Sex without consent is not love... or sex. It's rape and it's wrong.
Even if... he pressured you.
Even if... you had planned this big elaborate "sexacpade" for months... in detail with great excitement. But then, it comes time to act on it, and oops! You changed your mind. No is no. Yes is yes.
Even if... he's so turned on he says "he can't stop." That's a lie. And that's rape.
Even if... he took you on a helicopter ride around the city, then had an airplane write your name in the sky while you ate caviar on the beaches of Italy. Cool date, but not rape worthy. Oh wait, NOTHING IS WORTHY OF SEX WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. Moving on...
Even if... he gave you ride to class and did your homework.
Even if... "you owe him one."
Even if... other people call you a slut. Know your own worth. Don't let others make you feel inferior. There is nothing wrong with owning and claiming your sexuality.
Even if... other people call you a prude. Again... Know your own worth. Don't let others make you feel inferior. There is nothing wrong with owning and claiming your sexuality.
Worst of all, the blame game also comes from victims them self.
Well... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. For every victim who has ever felt ashamed or to blame for their assault, this post is for you. Rape is NEVER your fault. Ever.
I'm starting a list called "Even if..."
We are going to add every possible scenario that could happen and make a victim feel guilty. Add to it and lets see how many we can get! You can tweet them to me at @BergenNBaucom with #EvenIf or you can add them to the comments section of this blog.
I'll start...
Even if... you were swinging naked from the rafters.
Even if... you said yes then midway through changed your mind.
Even if... you "led him on."
Even if... you told him you would.
Even if... you had been with 15 people already that night. If you didn't say yes to 16.... that's rape.
Even if you had been with 15 people at THE SAME TIME. (Curious how you did that logistically) but still... non means no and yes means yes.
Even if... you straddled him... both naked parts touching. No is no. Yes is yes.
Even if... you were on drugs.
Even if... you were drunk.
Even if... you are a prostitute.
Even if... you are a porn star.
Even if... you are a wanna be porn star.
Even if... you are a virgin.
Even if... you've been with so many people you lost count.
Even if... you talked dirty.
Even if... you watched porn together.
Even if... You've had sex with him before.
Even if... he's your boyfriend.
Even if... he's your husband.
Even if... he's your ex.
Even if... he was your first.
Even if... he said he loved you. Sex without consent is not love... or sex. It's rape and it's wrong.
Even if... he pressured you.
Even if... you had planned this big elaborate "sexacpade" for months... in detail with great excitement. But then, it comes time to act on it, and oops! You changed your mind. No is no. Yes is yes.
Even if... he's so turned on he says "he can't stop." That's a lie. And that's rape.
Even if... he took you on a helicopter ride around the city, then had an airplane write your name in the sky while you ate caviar on the beaches of Italy. Cool date, but not rape worthy. Oh wait, NOTHING IS WORTHY OF SEX WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. Moving on...
Even if... he gave you ride to class and did your homework.
Even if... "you owe him one."
Even if... other people call you a slut. Know your own worth. Don't let others make you feel inferior. There is nothing wrong with owning and claiming your sexuality.
Even if... other people call you a prude. Again... Know your own worth. Don't let others make you feel inferior. There is nothing wrong with owning and claiming your sexuality.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Date Rape Prevention Straws
This is a copy of an email I got from a dear friend. I liked it so much I couldn't keep it to myself. Enjoy!
"subject: warning...this is me ranting a little!
It's not much info on it but I thought it could spark some good conversation possibly around the idea of date rape.
http://inventors.about.com/b/2011/08/18/anti-date-rape-straw.htm
"hopefully this invention will help keep women safe" !?!? A straw doesn't keep women safe, people not drugging women is what keeps women safe. Why is it that our society can make money creating/selling a "date rape straw" that tests for date rape substances in drinks...when the real problem is the fact that people in our society commit date rape. Just further proves the point that we need to treat the roots of the problem, not the symptoms. Get rid of date rap by changing attitudes toward rape, then you don't have to sell a stupid straw.
ok I'm off my soapbox."
###
My friend hits the nail on the head. I do believe Mr. Patolsky was well intended in his invention. But, this further illustrates the underlying message ingrained in our culture: "Hey girls, before you go out tonight- when you toss your lip gloss and ID into your clutch, make sure you've saved enough room for your whistle, pepper spray and date rape prevention straw. That is of course, if you don't want to be raped."
I just have to wonder at what point rape became viewed as such a seemingly inevitable part of a woman's life? Has our society really gotten to the point that we've started advocating women bring a science fair project with them to the bar? Again, I understand it's well intended. But the concept translates into a form of acceptance when what we should be doing is taking a stand against rape. We continue to "up the ante" for women with a number of safety precautions (translated into safety expectations) while inadvertently fostering a, "well it happens" attitude. It's just as my friend said above, "Get rid of date rap by changing attitudes toward rape,
But, one last question before I go... Do the straws come in XL for us ladies who prefer long neck bottle? Just food, err, beer for though. Cheers!
"subject: warning...this is me ranting a little!
It's not much info on it but I thought it could spark some good conversation possibly around the idea of date rape.
http://inventors.about.com/b/2011/08/18/anti-date-rape-straw.htm
"hopefully this invention will help keep women safe" !?!? A straw doesn't keep women safe, people not drugging women is what keeps women safe. Why is it that our society can make money creating/selling a "date rape straw" that tests for date rape substances in drinks...when the real problem is the fact that people in our society commit date rape. Just further proves the point that we need to treat the roots of the problem, not the symptoms. Get rid of date rap by changing attitudes toward rape, then you don't have to sell a stupid straw.
ok I'm off my soapbox."
###
My friend hits the nail on the head. I do believe Mr. Patolsky was well intended in his invention. But, this further illustrates the underlying message ingrained in our culture: "Hey girls, before you go out tonight- when you toss your lip gloss and ID into your clutch, make sure you've saved enough room for your whistle, pepper spray and date rape prevention straw. That is of course, if you don't want to be raped."
I just have to wonder at what point rape became viewed as such a seemingly inevitable part of a woman's life? Has our society really gotten to the point that we've started advocating women bring a science fair project with them to the bar? Again, I understand it's well intended. But the concept translates into a form of acceptance when what we should be doing is taking a stand against rape. We continue to "up the ante" for women with a number of safety precautions (translated into safety expectations) while inadvertently fostering a, "well it happens" attitude. It's just as my friend said above, "Get rid of date rap by changing attitudes toward rape,
But, one last question before I go... Do the straws come in XL for us ladies who prefer long neck bottle? Just food, err, beer for though. Cheers!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
A Letter to My Movers
Wow, where to begin? It's been a whirl wind few months for me, so let's start from the top. In December I graduated from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga... it feels like just yesterday! I traveled a bit, but mostly looked for jobs. Finally one clicked and in April I accepted a reporting position with the NBC affiliate out of Panama City Beach, Fl. That's when time really began to fly! I made a quick move out of Chattanooga and the job took off like a rocket. I'm not actually a journalism major, I majored in Political Science. So needless to say, I've been getting a lot of "on the job training" ha! I absolutely love what I'm doing, though it can be pretty stressful at times! It's been a lot of adjusting, moving to a new town and learning a new job, but I'm finally starting to develop a routine and get back to the things I love and care about (cough cough MMOM).
I look back over the past five years, and particularly the past nine months and am in total awe. Don't get me wrong, I would never want to relive the hell I went through March 7, 2007. Try as I might, it's a day I'll unfortunately never forget. But, it's also a day that no longer has ownership of my life- I own that night. Despite all of its terror, that awful situation managed reshaped my life for the better. So as I said, I'll never be glad it happened, but plucking it from history isn't going to happen. I believe we have to do with it what we can with what we've been dealt and for me, that day changed my entire world.
I would have never moved to Chattanooga where, among making life long friendships, I met a documentary film professor (and dear friend) Dr. Elizabeth Gailey, who introduced me to my true passion in life. She gave me the knowledge, confidence and support I needed to peruse making the film. Had Sarah Waugh (who could not have been a more wonderful film partner) and I not made Miniskirts, Mace and Other Misconceptions, I would have never realized I wanted to be a journalist. That realization led me to the most enriching internship with the ABC affiliate in Chattanooga. I would never be a reporter today without that experience. I feel beyond blessed to say my life took a detour, but I'm living out my dreams. My Political Science background and the support from multiple professors as well as the university, helped me combine my passion and purpose and I am grateful to see it coming to fruition.
Last month I covered a story that really opened my eyes to the way God's plan is working in my life. A police chief was put on temporary leave by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement for mishandling the investigation of a sexual molestation case. He was accused of trying to cover up the situation because the alleged perpetrator was a city employee. The FDLE temporarily suspended his license and the Chief is appealing the case. The alleged victim's grandfather filed the suit with the FDLE and had been battling the case for several years in court. The man accused of the act was found not guilty. I spoke with the city manager about the status of the case in lieu of the Chief, who was out of town. From there, I went to interview the grandfather. When I arrived, he tearfully told me they'd never been asked for their side of the story. This would be his first on camera interview. What hit close to home for me was this man's desire to be heard. Before I go any further, I want to note that I did presented both sides of this story in their entirety and take pride in that. It was definitely an emotional, and difficult story for me to cover. He was very emotional and his pain was very visible. But, I'm a journalist, not a judge or jury. It's not my job to make a ruling and I cannot give an opinion of what happened. But, I can give both sides a microphone and let their stories be told. Having the opportunity to share this family's side for the first time was liberating for all of us. I knew what it felt like to want to be heard. I also knew the pain of losing in court. Not too long ago, I got a nasty message from a person in response to my film, who referred me being raped as "alleged". It cut deep. What hurt the most is that in the eye's of the law, that's the accurate term. It's a jagged pill to swallow. Every time the pseudo name "Steve" rolls off my tongue it tastes bitter in my mouth- that's not my attackers name. It sucks that I can't say it. But on the other side of all of this, I know the power that comes from a microphone. The opportunity to say, "this is what happened, take it or leave it". There will be some who believe it and some who dont. I can live with that. But I can't live with silence. Giving the grandfather a platform and air time felt like a victory in the fight against silence.
Driving away that day, I realized I'm doing exactly what I'm meant to do. I have a job (which is a blessing in itself) but not only that- I love it! I found my passion and everyday is a new adventure. But most of all, through my job, I have an opportunity to give others a voice. Whether it's stories like the one I shared, or happy stories like yesterday's- what life's like growing up on a watermelon farm (and yes, I did eat some straight off the vine!). I'm a professional storyteller which is both rewarding and a cool adventure for me. But beyond that, I'm working hard to grow my career so that I may become a face and voice for victims of sexual violence, and women everywhere. I want to be a radical for change in the fight against the victimization, societal pressures and the oppression women face everyday around the world.
Five years ago I didn't think I would ever dream again. I didn't think life would be rewarding again, and I sure didn't think it could ever be better than it was from April 14, 1988 to March 6, 2007. March 7th was a death day in my eyes. I thought the event would just sit there cumbersomely in my life with no way to move it, no way around it, and no way to work with it. But I was wrong. I do have dreams- bigger than before. My life is rewarding- more enriching than it's ever been. And most of all, Im happy- happier than ever.
My point to all of this is not to boast or preach, but simply say this: It does get better. There is joy to be found in a world that may have let you down. Your heart will heal, your mind will mend and your soul will shine again. I quote Maya Angelou often but it's true; "you can trod me through the very dirt but still like dust I rise." Just when you think nothing good can ever be restored, it will be. Life is a journey so hang on and hold tight. The glow at the end of the tunnel may be faint now. But when you get there you just may find, that glow is from the bright lights of a party... celebrating the beginning of the rest of your life.
I love you movers,
BB
I look back over the past five years, and particularly the past nine months and am in total awe. Don't get me wrong, I would never want to relive the hell I went through March 7, 2007. Try as I might, it's a day I'll unfortunately never forget. But, it's also a day that no longer has ownership of my life- I own that night. Despite all of its terror, that awful situation managed reshaped my life for the better. So as I said, I'll never be glad it happened, but plucking it from history isn't going to happen. I believe we have to do with it what we can with what we've been dealt and for me, that day changed my entire world.
I would have never moved to Chattanooga where, among making life long friendships, I met a documentary film professor (and dear friend) Dr. Elizabeth Gailey, who introduced me to my true passion in life. She gave me the knowledge, confidence and support I needed to peruse making the film. Had Sarah Waugh (who could not have been a more wonderful film partner) and I not made Miniskirts, Mace and Other Misconceptions, I would have never realized I wanted to be a journalist. That realization led me to the most enriching internship with the ABC affiliate in Chattanooga. I would never be a reporter today without that experience. I feel beyond blessed to say my life took a detour, but I'm living out my dreams. My Political Science background and the support from multiple professors as well as the university, helped me combine my passion and purpose and I am grateful to see it coming to fruition.
Last month I covered a story that really opened my eyes to the way God's plan is working in my life. A police chief was put on temporary leave by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement for mishandling the investigation of a sexual molestation case. He was accused of trying to cover up the situation because the alleged perpetrator was a city employee. The FDLE temporarily suspended his license and the Chief is appealing the case. The alleged victim's grandfather filed the suit with the FDLE and had been battling the case for several years in court. The man accused of the act was found not guilty. I spoke with the city manager about the status of the case in lieu of the Chief, who was out of town. From there, I went to interview the grandfather. When I arrived, he tearfully told me they'd never been asked for their side of the story. This would be his first on camera interview. What hit close to home for me was this man's desire to be heard. Before I go any further, I want to note that I did presented both sides of this story in their entirety and take pride in that. It was definitely an emotional, and difficult story for me to cover. He was very emotional and his pain was very visible. But, I'm a journalist, not a judge or jury. It's not my job to make a ruling and I cannot give an opinion of what happened. But, I can give both sides a microphone and let their stories be told. Having the opportunity to share this family's side for the first time was liberating for all of us. I knew what it felt like to want to be heard. I also knew the pain of losing in court. Not too long ago, I got a nasty message from a person in response to my film, who referred me being raped as "alleged". It cut deep. What hurt the most is that in the eye's of the law, that's the accurate term. It's a jagged pill to swallow. Every time the pseudo name "Steve" rolls off my tongue it tastes bitter in my mouth- that's not my attackers name. It sucks that I can't say it. But on the other side of all of this, I know the power that comes from a microphone. The opportunity to say, "this is what happened, take it or leave it". There will be some who believe it and some who dont. I can live with that. But I can't live with silence. Giving the grandfather a platform and air time felt like a victory in the fight against silence.
Driving away that day, I realized I'm doing exactly what I'm meant to do. I have a job (which is a blessing in itself) but not only that- I love it! I found my passion and everyday is a new adventure. But most of all, through my job, I have an opportunity to give others a voice. Whether it's stories like the one I shared, or happy stories like yesterday's- what life's like growing up on a watermelon farm (and yes, I did eat some straight off the vine!). I'm a professional storyteller which is both rewarding and a cool adventure for me. But beyond that, I'm working hard to grow my career so that I may become a face and voice for victims of sexual violence, and women everywhere. I want to be a radical for change in the fight against the victimization, societal pressures and the oppression women face everyday around the world.
Five years ago I didn't think I would ever dream again. I didn't think life would be rewarding again, and I sure didn't think it could ever be better than it was from April 14, 1988 to March 6, 2007. March 7th was a death day in my eyes. I thought the event would just sit there cumbersomely in my life with no way to move it, no way around it, and no way to work with it. But I was wrong. I do have dreams- bigger than before. My life is rewarding- more enriching than it's ever been. And most of all, Im happy- happier than ever.
My point to all of this is not to boast or preach, but simply say this: It does get better. There is joy to be found in a world that may have let you down. Your heart will heal, your mind will mend and your soul will shine again. I quote Maya Angelou often but it's true; "you can trod me through the very dirt but still like dust I rise." Just when you think nothing good can ever be restored, it will be. Life is a journey so hang on and hold tight. The glow at the end of the tunnel may be faint now. But when you get there you just may find, that glow is from the bright lights of a party... celebrating the beginning of the rest of your life.
I love you movers,
BB
Sunday, January 22, 2012
In honor of the new definition
The FBI (finally) changed the 85 YEAR OLD definition of rape. I posted this picture in honor of the new, more inclusive definition which states:
"Rape is penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."
This picture, with the improved definition, is a more inclusive representation what rape is in our culture today. Hopefully increased awareness such as this and the revised definition will help lead to better education, less sexual assaults and more scum bags behind bars!
This is a victory for all humankind.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Survivor Psalm
I came across this beautiful poem while thumbing through a diary I used to chronicle my journey to healing. It's my hope it will bring you as much peace as it did me.
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.
- Frank Ochberg
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.
- Frank Ochberg
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Rape Culture Explored Through a Shocking Study
A recent UK study that found "men identified more with statements about women made by convicted rapist's than statements made in men's magazines about women." Obviously these findings have me all hot and bothered. I am pounding the keyboard like a punching bag just typing this. It's stirred a whole slue of questions and thoughts in my head that I will delve into later. First, I'm going to paraphrase/quote the article from the Huffington post for those of you who just want the meat and potatoes of the study. The actual study is published in the British Journal of Psychology.
"According to a new study, comments made in men's magazines about women are almost nearly identical to those made by convicted rapists. Miranda Horvath of Middlesex University and Peter Hegarty of the University of Surrey looked through four of the U.K.'s most popular men's magazines, or, "lads' mags," (think Playboy, Maxim, GQ) and selected a range of comments made about women."
For example: "Mascara running down the cheeks means they've just been crying, and it was probably your fault ... but you can cheer up the miserable beauty with a bit of the old in and out."
"Then they searched through transcripts of interviews with convicted rapists in the United States and picked out comments rapists had made about women and how their victims' behavior justified their crimes"
For example: "Girls ask for it by wearing these mini-skirts and hotpants ... they're just displaying their body ... Whether they realize it or not they're saying, 'Hey, I've got a beautiful body, and it's yours if you want it."
"The researchers asked a group of men and women 19- 30 years old to rank the quotes according to how derogatory they were and then to identify the source: men's magazine or convicted rapist." The participants found quotes from the "lads' mags" more demeaning, and their identifications were no better than guesswork."
"In another study, the researchers asked men 18- 46 years old to report how strongly they identified with the quotes without knowing attribution. As a result, the men identified more with the rapists' statements than magazines. "
A Doctor from the Psychology Department at the University of Surrey had this to say: “There is a fundamental concern that the content of such magazines normalizes the treatment of women as sexual objects. We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people. But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalize views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?” (Read the rest of this article from the University of Surrey here: http://tinyurl.com/7kfszea)
Well, well, well. I would say I'm at a loss for words, but if you scroll down you'll clearly see I'm not. I'm outraged and angered, but somehow not completely surprised. I mean, there's some shock value to these findings, no doubt. But, when you sit back and think about it, this study gives some form of explanation for the society we live in. Rape culture surround us. It's in "funny" movies (cue the rape scene in "Get Him to the Greek," just to name one), magazines (obviously), TV shows, and music. When these attitudes are infused into our culture, its no wonder our society is plagued with rape. This isn't rocket science, its simple: what goes into our brains as acceptable, funny, or normal, comes out as such.
So let me get this straight... The media normalizes rape, our culture is reluctant to acknowledge it, and scholastic institutions don't educate about it. Well, now that that matzo ball is out of the way, I ask you this: how do we really expect anyone to understand it, much less change it? Is it any wonder 84 percent of men who committed rape, according to the legal definition, said that what they did wasn't rape (according to a 1994 study). Or that nearly half of women who were raped did not classify their experience as such (in a 2000 study by the U.S. Department of Justice" (Huffington Post)).
No wonder so many women don't report their assault, on top of being shamed into silence, victims are made to believe, or at least question if what happened to them was normal! Crippling shame compounded by self doubt is the most unfortunate, unwarranted recipe for silence. It's heartbreaking. But, this study leads me to ponder about the other side of the coin: the rapist.
I cant help but wonder if the 84% stat would change if more men really understood what constituted rape. Anyone educated on this subject knows that rape is a power crime, not a horny guy who got "carried away." No means no-- no excuses. But, think about the environment of a typical college campus, where more women than any other age bracket are raped (1/4). For a lot of people, college is a booze fest. And for a some guys, there seems to be a secret competition of who can get with the most girls, during a semester, a weekend...a night. And though there are a lot of men with outstanding character, we all know there are some without it. So I wonder how many guys commit rape but think they're just "doing what it takes" to get some on a Saturday night. Maybe these "84- percenters" would agree they were being "pushy" but don't think their "pushiness" is the same thing as rape- though it clearly is.
A few things led me to this notion. One obviously being the above statistic. 84%- that's outrageously high. But two, I think back to when I was assaulted. When it first happened, I knew two things: 1) I did not consent to what he did and 2) whatever had just happened was terrible, traumatic and wrong. But my head didn't immediately go to rape. It took time for me to fully realize and come to grips with that had happened. So my thought process initially was, if I didn't realize it was rape, did he?
I've talked about this concept before with a friend who was sexually assaulted. She pressed charges but her attacker passed a lie detector test. His actions clearly constituted assault, but, he passed the test. Of course she and I were very angry and in disbelief. How could this happen? We know lie detector tests are hardly (if at all) reliable but it was the principal of it all. Devastating, heartbreaking, infuriating-- confusing. In the dozens of conversations following the news, we came to the idea that maybe he really didn't realize that what he did was illegal. Who knows, maybe he didn't even think it was wrong. What does a person with no sense of moral judgement consider wrong? Add to that a lack of education and it seems to make even more sense. However, be it known that when I contemplate this notion, I am by no means defending any kind of offender. A lack of morals and education does not justify sexual assault. Sexual offenders are still scum of the earth dirt bags. So lack of education just makes them stupid, scum of the earth dirt bags. Either way, dirt is dirt. I'm just curious if the two factors, especially when combined with influences from the media, could partially account for the 84%.
I think back to the situation at Yale where the Delta Kappa Epsilon's marched across the campus chanting "No means yes, yes means anal." I don't think a single guy from that fraternity really thought a whirl-wind of media coverage and a public scolding (or "slap on the wrist") would actually come from that. I think they truly thought they would do their chant, piss off the women's center and get away with it. Hmm, sounds familiar, huh? I think there are some guys out there with a dangerous sense of entitlement who will do what they want to and flat out disregard any objection. Then, they look around (media, friends, legal system) and see others doing it and getting away with it too. It becomes a perfect, sadistic storm.
It is beyond time we as members of society take a stand. We cannot continue to condone movies that mock rape, music that rhymes about it, and a culture that lives it. As a collective, we so desperately need education and public awareness. Without these factors to help women find their voice, and educate the public about the realities of this crime, we will not see the legal system hold these perpetrators accountable. We need a public uprising of warriors, ready to challenge rape supportive attitudes and shine the light on a disguised crime. It is time we rise and say, enough is enough. Because this- this is beyond "more than enough."
"According to a new study, comments made in men's magazines about women are almost nearly identical to those made by convicted rapists. Miranda Horvath of Middlesex University and Peter Hegarty of the University of Surrey looked through four of the U.K.'s most popular men's magazines, or, "lads' mags," (think Playboy, Maxim, GQ) and selected a range of comments made about women."
For example: "Mascara running down the cheeks means they've just been crying, and it was probably your fault ... but you can cheer up the miserable beauty with a bit of the old in and out."
"Then they searched through transcripts of interviews with convicted rapists in the United States and picked out comments rapists had made about women and how their victims' behavior justified their crimes"
For example: "Girls ask for it by wearing these mini-skirts and hotpants ... they're just displaying their body ... Whether they realize it or not they're saying, 'Hey, I've got a beautiful body, and it's yours if you want it."
"The researchers asked a group of men and women 19- 30 years old to rank the quotes according to how derogatory they were and then to identify the source: men's magazine or convicted rapist." The participants found quotes from the "lads' mags" more demeaning, and their identifications were no better than guesswork."
"In another study, the researchers asked men 18- 46 years old to report how strongly they identified with the quotes without knowing attribution. As a result, the men identified more with the rapists' statements than magazines. "
A Doctor from the Psychology Department at the University of Surrey had this to say: “There is a fundamental concern that the content of such magazines normalizes the treatment of women as sexual objects. We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people. But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalize views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?” (Read the rest of this article from the University of Surrey here: http://tinyurl.com/7kfszea)
Well, well, well. I would say I'm at a loss for words, but if you scroll down you'll clearly see I'm not. I'm outraged and angered, but somehow not completely surprised. I mean, there's some shock value to these findings, no doubt. But, when you sit back and think about it, this study gives some form of explanation for the society we live in. Rape culture surround us. It's in "funny" movies (cue the rape scene in "Get Him to the Greek," just to name one), magazines (obviously), TV shows, and music. When these attitudes are infused into our culture, its no wonder our society is plagued with rape. This isn't rocket science, its simple: what goes into our brains as acceptable, funny, or normal, comes out as such.
So let me get this straight... The media normalizes rape, our culture is reluctant to acknowledge it, and scholastic institutions don't educate about it. Well, now that that matzo ball is out of the way, I ask you this: how do we really expect anyone to understand it, much less change it? Is it any wonder 84 percent of men who committed rape, according to the legal definition, said that what they did wasn't rape (according to a 1994 study). Or that nearly half of women who were raped did not classify their experience as such (in a 2000 study by the U.S. Department of Justice" (Huffington Post)).
No wonder so many women don't report their assault, on top of being shamed into silence, victims are made to believe, or at least question if what happened to them was normal! Crippling shame compounded by self doubt is the most unfortunate, unwarranted recipe for silence. It's heartbreaking. But, this study leads me to ponder about the other side of the coin: the rapist.
I cant help but wonder if the 84% stat would change if more men really understood what constituted rape. Anyone educated on this subject knows that rape is a power crime, not a horny guy who got "carried away." No means no-- no excuses. But, think about the environment of a typical college campus, where more women than any other age bracket are raped (1/4). For a lot of people, college is a booze fest. And for a some guys, there seems to be a secret competition of who can get with the most girls, during a semester, a weekend...a night. And though there are a lot of men with outstanding character, we all know there are some without it. So I wonder how many guys commit rape but think they're just "doing what it takes" to get some on a Saturday night. Maybe these "84- percenters" would agree they were being "pushy" but don't think their "pushiness" is the same thing as rape- though it clearly is.
A few things led me to this notion. One obviously being the above statistic. 84%- that's outrageously high. But two, I think back to when I was assaulted. When it first happened, I knew two things: 1) I did not consent to what he did and 2) whatever had just happened was terrible, traumatic and wrong. But my head didn't immediately go to rape. It took time for me to fully realize and come to grips with that had happened. So my thought process initially was, if I didn't realize it was rape, did he?
I've talked about this concept before with a friend who was sexually assaulted. She pressed charges but her attacker passed a lie detector test. His actions clearly constituted assault, but, he passed the test. Of course she and I were very angry and in disbelief. How could this happen? We know lie detector tests are hardly (if at all) reliable but it was the principal of it all. Devastating, heartbreaking, infuriating-- confusing. In the dozens of conversations following the news, we came to the idea that maybe he really didn't realize that what he did was illegal. Who knows, maybe he didn't even think it was wrong. What does a person with no sense of moral judgement consider wrong? Add to that a lack of education and it seems to make even more sense. However, be it known that when I contemplate this notion, I am by no means defending any kind of offender. A lack of morals and education does not justify sexual assault. Sexual offenders are still scum of the earth dirt bags. So lack of education just makes them stupid, scum of the earth dirt bags. Either way, dirt is dirt. I'm just curious if the two factors, especially when combined with influences from the media, could partially account for the 84%.
I think back to the situation at Yale where the Delta Kappa Epsilon's marched across the campus chanting "No means yes, yes means anal." I don't think a single guy from that fraternity really thought a whirl-wind of media coverage and a public scolding (or "slap on the wrist") would actually come from that. I think they truly thought they would do their chant, piss off the women's center and get away with it. Hmm, sounds familiar, huh? I think there are some guys out there with a dangerous sense of entitlement who will do what they want to and flat out disregard any objection. Then, they look around (media, friends, legal system) and see others doing it and getting away with it too. It becomes a perfect, sadistic storm.
It is beyond time we as members of society take a stand. We cannot continue to condone movies that mock rape, music that rhymes about it, and a culture that lives it. As a collective, we so desperately need education and public awareness. Without these factors to help women find their voice, and educate the public about the realities of this crime, we will not see the legal system hold these perpetrators accountable. We need a public uprising of warriors, ready to challenge rape supportive attitudes and shine the light on a disguised crime. It is time we rise and say, enough is enough. Because this- this is beyond "more than enough."
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