Even If...

Rape and the blame game. Sadly, the two go hand in hand and it comes from every angle. From self- defense classes that, while helpful in some situations, also perpetuate an idea that women are responsible for keeping themselves from being raped. It comes from friends who dismiss your assault as, "boys will be boys." It comes from rape supportive attitudes, "she's been with everyone, now she just regrets it." It comes from attorneys who put the character of the victim on the stand, when 15 out of 16 rapists will never spend a day in jail.

Worst of all, the blame game also comes from victims them self.

Well... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. For every victim who has ever felt ashamed or to blame for their assault, this post is for you. Rape is NEVER your fault. Ever.

I'm starting a list called "Even if..."

We are going to add every possible scenario that could happen and make a victim feel guilty. Add to it and lets see how many we can get! You can tweet them to me at @BergenNBaucom with #EvenIf or you can add them to the comments section of this blog.

I'll start...

Even if... you were swinging naked from the rafters.
Even if... you said yes then midway through changed your mind.
Even if... you "led him on."
Even if... you told him you would.
Even if... you had been with 15 people already that night. If you didn't say yes to 16.... that's rape.
Even if you had been with 15 people at THE SAME TIME. (Curious how you did that logistically) but still... non means no and yes means yes.
Even if... you straddled him... both naked parts touching. No is no. Yes is yes.
Even if... you were on drugs.
Even if... you were drunk.
Even if... you are a prostitute.
Even if... you are a porn star.
Even if... you are a wanna be porn star.
Even if... you are a virgin.
Even if... you've been with so many people you lost count.
Even if... you talked dirty.
Even if... you watched porn together.
Even if... You've had sex with him before.
Even if... he's your boyfriend.
Even if... he's your husband.
Even if... he's your ex.
Even if... he was your first.
Even if... he said he loved you. Sex without consent is not love... or sex. It's rape and it's wrong.
Even if... he pressured you.
Even if... you had planned this big elaborate "sexacpade" for months... in detail with great excitement. But then, it comes time to act on it, and oops! You changed your mind. No is no. Yes is yes.
Even if... he's so turned on he says "he can't stop." That's a lie. And that's rape.
Even if... he took you on a helicopter ride around the city, then had an airplane write your name in the sky while you ate caviar on the beaches of Italy. Cool date, but not rape worthy. Oh wait,  NOTHING IS WORTHY OF SEX WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. Moving on...
Even if... he gave you ride to class and did your homework.
Even if... "you owe him one."
Even if... other people call you a slut. Know your own worth. Don't let others make you feel inferior. There is nothing wrong with owning and claiming your sexuality.
Even if... other people call you a prude. Again... Know your own worth. Don't let others make you feel inferior. There is nothing wrong with owning and claiming your sexuality.