This is a copy of an email I got from a dear friend. I liked it so much I couldn't keep it to myself. Enjoy!
"subject: warning...this is me ranting a little!
It's not much info on it but I thought it could spark some good conversation possibly around the idea of date rape.
http://inventors.about.com/b/2011/08/18/anti-date-rape-straw.htm
"hopefully this invention will help keep women safe" !?!? A straw doesn't keep women safe, people not drugging women is what keeps women safe. Why is it that our society can make money creating/selling a "date rape straw" that tests for date rape substances in drinks...when the real problem is the fact that people in our society commit date rape. Just further proves the point that we need to treat the roots of the problem, not the symptoms. Get rid of date rap by changing attitudes toward rape, then you don't have to sell a stupid straw.
ok I'm off my soapbox."
###
My friend hits the nail on the head. I do believe Mr. Patolsky was well intended in his invention. But, this further illustrates the underlying message ingrained in our culture: "Hey girls, before you go out tonight- when you toss your lip gloss and ID into your clutch, make sure you've saved enough room for your whistle, pepper spray and date rape prevention straw. That is of course, if you don't want to be raped."
I just have to wonder at what point rape became viewed as such a seemingly inevitable part of a woman's life? Has our society really gotten to the point that we've started advocating women bring a science fair project with them to the bar? Again, I understand it's well intended. But the concept translates into a form of acceptance when what we should be doing is taking a stand against rape. We continue to "up the ante" for women with a number of safety precautions (translated into safety expectations) while inadvertently fostering a, "well it happens" attitude. It's just as my friend said above, "Get rid of date rap by changing attitudes toward rape,
But, one last question before I go... Do the straws come in XL for us ladies who prefer long neck bottle? Just food, err, beer for though. Cheers!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
A Letter to My Movers
Wow, where to begin? It's been a whirl wind few months for me, so let's start from the top. In December I graduated from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga... it feels like just yesterday! I traveled a bit, but mostly looked for jobs. Finally one clicked and in April I accepted a reporting position with the NBC affiliate out of Panama City Beach, Fl. That's when time really began to fly! I made a quick move out of Chattanooga and the job took off like a rocket. I'm not actually a journalism major, I majored in Political Science. So needless to say, I've been getting a lot of "on the job training" ha! I absolutely love what I'm doing, though it can be pretty stressful at times! It's been a lot of adjusting, moving to a new town and learning a new job, but I'm finally starting to develop a routine and get back to the things I love and care about (cough cough MMOM).
I look back over the past five years, and particularly the past nine months and am in total awe. Don't get me wrong, I would never want to relive the hell I went through March 7, 2007. Try as I might, it's a day I'll unfortunately never forget. But, it's also a day that no longer has ownership of my life- I own that night. Despite all of its terror, that awful situation managed reshaped my life for the better. So as I said, I'll never be glad it happened, but plucking it from history isn't going to happen. I believe we have to do with it what we can with what we've been dealt and for me, that day changed my entire world.
I would have never moved to Chattanooga where, among making life long friendships, I met a documentary film professor (and dear friend) Dr. Elizabeth Gailey, who introduced me to my true passion in life. She gave me the knowledge, confidence and support I needed to peruse making the film. Had Sarah Waugh (who could not have been a more wonderful film partner) and I not made Miniskirts, Mace and Other Misconceptions, I would have never realized I wanted to be a journalist. That realization led me to the most enriching internship with the ABC affiliate in Chattanooga. I would never be a reporter today without that experience. I feel beyond blessed to say my life took a detour, but I'm living out my dreams. My Political Science background and the support from multiple professors as well as the university, helped me combine my passion and purpose and I am grateful to see it coming to fruition.
Last month I covered a story that really opened my eyes to the way God's plan is working in my life. A police chief was put on temporary leave by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement for mishandling the investigation of a sexual molestation case. He was accused of trying to cover up the situation because the alleged perpetrator was a city employee. The FDLE temporarily suspended his license and the Chief is appealing the case. The alleged victim's grandfather filed the suit with the FDLE and had been battling the case for several years in court. The man accused of the act was found not guilty. I spoke with the city manager about the status of the case in lieu of the Chief, who was out of town. From there, I went to interview the grandfather. When I arrived, he tearfully told me they'd never been asked for their side of the story. This would be his first on camera interview. What hit close to home for me was this man's desire to be heard. Before I go any further, I want to note that I did presented both sides of this story in their entirety and take pride in that. It was definitely an emotional, and difficult story for me to cover. He was very emotional and his pain was very visible. But, I'm a journalist, not a judge or jury. It's not my job to make a ruling and I cannot give an opinion of what happened. But, I can give both sides a microphone and let their stories be told. Having the opportunity to share this family's side for the first time was liberating for all of us. I knew what it felt like to want to be heard. I also knew the pain of losing in court. Not too long ago, I got a nasty message from a person in response to my film, who referred me being raped as "alleged". It cut deep. What hurt the most is that in the eye's of the law, that's the accurate term. It's a jagged pill to swallow. Every time the pseudo name "Steve" rolls off my tongue it tastes bitter in my mouth- that's not my attackers name. It sucks that I can't say it. But on the other side of all of this, I know the power that comes from a microphone. The opportunity to say, "this is what happened, take it or leave it". There will be some who believe it and some who dont. I can live with that. But I can't live with silence. Giving the grandfather a platform and air time felt like a victory in the fight against silence.
Driving away that day, I realized I'm doing exactly what I'm meant to do. I have a job (which is a blessing in itself) but not only that- I love it! I found my passion and everyday is a new adventure. But most of all, through my job, I have an opportunity to give others a voice. Whether it's stories like the one I shared, or happy stories like yesterday's- what life's like growing up on a watermelon farm (and yes, I did eat some straight off the vine!). I'm a professional storyteller which is both rewarding and a cool adventure for me. But beyond that, I'm working hard to grow my career so that I may become a face and voice for victims of sexual violence, and women everywhere. I want to be a radical for change in the fight against the victimization, societal pressures and the oppression women face everyday around the world.
Five years ago I didn't think I would ever dream again. I didn't think life would be rewarding again, and I sure didn't think it could ever be better than it was from April 14, 1988 to March 6, 2007. March 7th was a death day in my eyes. I thought the event would just sit there cumbersomely in my life with no way to move it, no way around it, and no way to work with it. But I was wrong. I do have dreams- bigger than before. My life is rewarding- more enriching than it's ever been. And most of all, Im happy- happier than ever.
My point to all of this is not to boast or preach, but simply say this: It does get better. There is joy to be found in a world that may have let you down. Your heart will heal, your mind will mend and your soul will shine again. I quote Maya Angelou often but it's true; "you can trod me through the very dirt but still like dust I rise." Just when you think nothing good can ever be restored, it will be. Life is a journey so hang on and hold tight. The glow at the end of the tunnel may be faint now. But when you get there you just may find, that glow is from the bright lights of a party... celebrating the beginning of the rest of your life.
I love you movers,
BB
I look back over the past five years, and particularly the past nine months and am in total awe. Don't get me wrong, I would never want to relive the hell I went through March 7, 2007. Try as I might, it's a day I'll unfortunately never forget. But, it's also a day that no longer has ownership of my life- I own that night. Despite all of its terror, that awful situation managed reshaped my life for the better. So as I said, I'll never be glad it happened, but plucking it from history isn't going to happen. I believe we have to do with it what we can with what we've been dealt and for me, that day changed my entire world.
I would have never moved to Chattanooga where, among making life long friendships, I met a documentary film professor (and dear friend) Dr. Elizabeth Gailey, who introduced me to my true passion in life. She gave me the knowledge, confidence and support I needed to peruse making the film. Had Sarah Waugh (who could not have been a more wonderful film partner) and I not made Miniskirts, Mace and Other Misconceptions, I would have never realized I wanted to be a journalist. That realization led me to the most enriching internship with the ABC affiliate in Chattanooga. I would never be a reporter today without that experience. I feel beyond blessed to say my life took a detour, but I'm living out my dreams. My Political Science background and the support from multiple professors as well as the university, helped me combine my passion and purpose and I am grateful to see it coming to fruition.
Last month I covered a story that really opened my eyes to the way God's plan is working in my life. A police chief was put on temporary leave by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement for mishandling the investigation of a sexual molestation case. He was accused of trying to cover up the situation because the alleged perpetrator was a city employee. The FDLE temporarily suspended his license and the Chief is appealing the case. The alleged victim's grandfather filed the suit with the FDLE and had been battling the case for several years in court. The man accused of the act was found not guilty. I spoke with the city manager about the status of the case in lieu of the Chief, who was out of town. From there, I went to interview the grandfather. When I arrived, he tearfully told me they'd never been asked for their side of the story. This would be his first on camera interview. What hit close to home for me was this man's desire to be heard. Before I go any further, I want to note that I did presented both sides of this story in their entirety and take pride in that. It was definitely an emotional, and difficult story for me to cover. He was very emotional and his pain was very visible. But, I'm a journalist, not a judge or jury. It's not my job to make a ruling and I cannot give an opinion of what happened. But, I can give both sides a microphone and let their stories be told. Having the opportunity to share this family's side for the first time was liberating for all of us. I knew what it felt like to want to be heard. I also knew the pain of losing in court. Not too long ago, I got a nasty message from a person in response to my film, who referred me being raped as "alleged". It cut deep. What hurt the most is that in the eye's of the law, that's the accurate term. It's a jagged pill to swallow. Every time the pseudo name "Steve" rolls off my tongue it tastes bitter in my mouth- that's not my attackers name. It sucks that I can't say it. But on the other side of all of this, I know the power that comes from a microphone. The opportunity to say, "this is what happened, take it or leave it". There will be some who believe it and some who dont. I can live with that. But I can't live with silence. Giving the grandfather a platform and air time felt like a victory in the fight against silence.
Driving away that day, I realized I'm doing exactly what I'm meant to do. I have a job (which is a blessing in itself) but not only that- I love it! I found my passion and everyday is a new adventure. But most of all, through my job, I have an opportunity to give others a voice. Whether it's stories like the one I shared, or happy stories like yesterday's- what life's like growing up on a watermelon farm (and yes, I did eat some straight off the vine!). I'm a professional storyteller which is both rewarding and a cool adventure for me. But beyond that, I'm working hard to grow my career so that I may become a face and voice for victims of sexual violence, and women everywhere. I want to be a radical for change in the fight against the victimization, societal pressures and the oppression women face everyday around the world.
Five years ago I didn't think I would ever dream again. I didn't think life would be rewarding again, and I sure didn't think it could ever be better than it was from April 14, 1988 to March 6, 2007. March 7th was a death day in my eyes. I thought the event would just sit there cumbersomely in my life with no way to move it, no way around it, and no way to work with it. But I was wrong. I do have dreams- bigger than before. My life is rewarding- more enriching than it's ever been. And most of all, Im happy- happier than ever.
My point to all of this is not to boast or preach, but simply say this: It does get better. There is joy to be found in a world that may have let you down. Your heart will heal, your mind will mend and your soul will shine again. I quote Maya Angelou often but it's true; "you can trod me through the very dirt but still like dust I rise." Just when you think nothing good can ever be restored, it will be. Life is a journey so hang on and hold tight. The glow at the end of the tunnel may be faint now. But when you get there you just may find, that glow is from the bright lights of a party... celebrating the beginning of the rest of your life.
I love you movers,
BB
Sunday, January 22, 2012
In honor of the new definition
The FBI (finally) changed the 85 YEAR OLD definition of rape. I posted this picture in honor of the new, more inclusive definition which states:
"Rape is penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."
This picture, with the improved definition, is a more inclusive representation what rape is in our culture today. Hopefully increased awareness such as this and the revised definition will help lead to better education, less sexual assaults and more scum bags behind bars!
This is a victory for all humankind.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Survivor Psalm
I came across this beautiful poem while thumbing through a diary I used to chronicle my journey to healing. It's my hope it will bring you as much peace as it did me.
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.
- Frank Ochberg
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.
- Frank Ochberg
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Rape Culture Explored Through a Shocking Study
A recent UK study that found "men identified more with statements about women made by convicted rapist's than statements made in men's magazines about women." Obviously these findings have me all hot and bothered. I am pounding the keyboard like a punching bag just typing this. It's stirred a whole slue of questions and thoughts in my head that I will delve into later. First, I'm going to paraphrase/quote the article from the Huffington post for those of you who just want the meat and potatoes of the study. The actual study is published in the British Journal of Psychology.
"According to a new study, comments made in men's magazines about women are almost nearly identical to those made by convicted rapists. Miranda Horvath of Middlesex University and Peter Hegarty of the University of Surrey looked through four of the U.K.'s most popular men's magazines, or, "lads' mags," (think Playboy, Maxim, GQ) and selected a range of comments made about women."
For example: "Mascara running down the cheeks means they've just been crying, and it was probably your fault ... but you can cheer up the miserable beauty with a bit of the old in and out."
"Then they searched through transcripts of interviews with convicted rapists in the United States and picked out comments rapists had made about women and how their victims' behavior justified their crimes"
For example: "Girls ask for it by wearing these mini-skirts and hotpants ... they're just displaying their body ... Whether they realize it or not they're saying, 'Hey, I've got a beautiful body, and it's yours if you want it."
"The researchers asked a group of men and women 19- 30 years old to rank the quotes according to how derogatory they were and then to identify the source: men's magazine or convicted rapist." The participants found quotes from the "lads' mags" more demeaning, and their identifications were no better than guesswork."
"In another study, the researchers asked men 18- 46 years old to report how strongly they identified with the quotes without knowing attribution. As a result, the men identified more with the rapists' statements than magazines. "
A Doctor from the Psychology Department at the University of Surrey had this to say: “There is a fundamental concern that the content of such magazines normalizes the treatment of women as sexual objects. We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people. But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalize views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?” (Read the rest of this article from the University of Surrey here: http://tinyurl.com/7kfszea)
Well, well, well. I would say I'm at a loss for words, but if you scroll down you'll clearly see I'm not. I'm outraged and angered, but somehow not completely surprised. I mean, there's some shock value to these findings, no doubt. But, when you sit back and think about it, this study gives some form of explanation for the society we live in. Rape culture surround us. It's in "funny" movies (cue the rape scene in "Get Him to the Greek," just to name one), magazines (obviously), TV shows, and music. When these attitudes are infused into our culture, its no wonder our society is plagued with rape. This isn't rocket science, its simple: what goes into our brains as acceptable, funny, or normal, comes out as such.
So let me get this straight... The media normalizes rape, our culture is reluctant to acknowledge it, and scholastic institutions don't educate about it. Well, now that that matzo ball is out of the way, I ask you this: how do we really expect anyone to understand it, much less change it? Is it any wonder 84 percent of men who committed rape, according to the legal definition, said that what they did wasn't rape (according to a 1994 study). Or that nearly half of women who were raped did not classify their experience as such (in a 2000 study by the U.S. Department of Justice" (Huffington Post)).
No wonder so many women don't report their assault, on top of being shamed into silence, victims are made to believe, or at least question if what happened to them was normal! Crippling shame compounded by self doubt is the most unfortunate, unwarranted recipe for silence. It's heartbreaking. But, this study leads me to ponder about the other side of the coin: the rapist.
I cant help but wonder if the 84% stat would change if more men really understood what constituted rape. Anyone educated on this subject knows that rape is a power crime, not a horny guy who got "carried away." No means no-- no excuses. But, think about the environment of a typical college campus, where more women than any other age bracket are raped (1/4). For a lot of people, college is a booze fest. And for a some guys, there seems to be a secret competition of who can get with the most girls, during a semester, a weekend...a night. And though there are a lot of men with outstanding character, we all know there are some without it. So I wonder how many guys commit rape but think they're just "doing what it takes" to get some on a Saturday night. Maybe these "84- percenters" would agree they were being "pushy" but don't think their "pushiness" is the same thing as rape- though it clearly is.
A few things led me to this notion. One obviously being the above statistic. 84%- that's outrageously high. But two, I think back to when I was assaulted. When it first happened, I knew two things: 1) I did not consent to what he did and 2) whatever had just happened was terrible, traumatic and wrong. But my head didn't immediately go to rape. It took time for me to fully realize and come to grips with that had happened. So my thought process initially was, if I didn't realize it was rape, did he?
I've talked about this concept before with a friend who was sexually assaulted. She pressed charges but her attacker passed a lie detector test. His actions clearly constituted assault, but, he passed the test. Of course she and I were very angry and in disbelief. How could this happen? We know lie detector tests are hardly (if at all) reliable but it was the principal of it all. Devastating, heartbreaking, infuriating-- confusing. In the dozens of conversations following the news, we came to the idea that maybe he really didn't realize that what he did was illegal. Who knows, maybe he didn't even think it was wrong. What does a person with no sense of moral judgement consider wrong? Add to that a lack of education and it seems to make even more sense. However, be it known that when I contemplate this notion, I am by no means defending any kind of offender. A lack of morals and education does not justify sexual assault. Sexual offenders are still scum of the earth dirt bags. So lack of education just makes them stupid, scum of the earth dirt bags. Either way, dirt is dirt. I'm just curious if the two factors, especially when combined with influences from the media, could partially account for the 84%.
I think back to the situation at Yale where the Delta Kappa Epsilon's marched across the campus chanting "No means yes, yes means anal." I don't think a single guy from that fraternity really thought a whirl-wind of media coverage and a public scolding (or "slap on the wrist") would actually come from that. I think they truly thought they would do their chant, piss off the women's center and get away with it. Hmm, sounds familiar, huh? I think there are some guys out there with a dangerous sense of entitlement who will do what they want to and flat out disregard any objection. Then, they look around (media, friends, legal system) and see others doing it and getting away with it too. It becomes a perfect, sadistic storm.
It is beyond time we as members of society take a stand. We cannot continue to condone movies that mock rape, music that rhymes about it, and a culture that lives it. As a collective, we so desperately need education and public awareness. Without these factors to help women find their voice, and educate the public about the realities of this crime, we will not see the legal system hold these perpetrators accountable. We need a public uprising of warriors, ready to challenge rape supportive attitudes and shine the light on a disguised crime. It is time we rise and say, enough is enough. Because this- this is beyond "more than enough."
"According to a new study, comments made in men's magazines about women are almost nearly identical to those made by convicted rapists. Miranda Horvath of Middlesex University and Peter Hegarty of the University of Surrey looked through four of the U.K.'s most popular men's magazines, or, "lads' mags," (think Playboy, Maxim, GQ) and selected a range of comments made about women."
For example: "Mascara running down the cheeks means they've just been crying, and it was probably your fault ... but you can cheer up the miserable beauty with a bit of the old in and out."
"Then they searched through transcripts of interviews with convicted rapists in the United States and picked out comments rapists had made about women and how their victims' behavior justified their crimes"
For example: "Girls ask for it by wearing these mini-skirts and hotpants ... they're just displaying their body ... Whether they realize it or not they're saying, 'Hey, I've got a beautiful body, and it's yours if you want it."
"The researchers asked a group of men and women 19- 30 years old to rank the quotes according to how derogatory they were and then to identify the source: men's magazine or convicted rapist." The participants found quotes from the "lads' mags" more demeaning, and their identifications were no better than guesswork."
"In another study, the researchers asked men 18- 46 years old to report how strongly they identified with the quotes without knowing attribution. As a result, the men identified more with the rapists' statements than magazines. "
A Doctor from the Psychology Department at the University of Surrey had this to say: “There is a fundamental concern that the content of such magazines normalizes the treatment of women as sexual objects. We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people. But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalize views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?” (Read the rest of this article from the University of Surrey here: http://tinyurl.com/7kfszea)
Well, well, well. I would say I'm at a loss for words, but if you scroll down you'll clearly see I'm not. I'm outraged and angered, but somehow not completely surprised. I mean, there's some shock value to these findings, no doubt. But, when you sit back and think about it, this study gives some form of explanation for the society we live in. Rape culture surround us. It's in "funny" movies (cue the rape scene in "Get Him to the Greek," just to name one), magazines (obviously), TV shows, and music. When these attitudes are infused into our culture, its no wonder our society is plagued with rape. This isn't rocket science, its simple: what goes into our brains as acceptable, funny, or normal, comes out as such.
So let me get this straight... The media normalizes rape, our culture is reluctant to acknowledge it, and scholastic institutions don't educate about it. Well, now that that matzo ball is out of the way, I ask you this: how do we really expect anyone to understand it, much less change it? Is it any wonder 84 percent of men who committed rape, according to the legal definition, said that what they did wasn't rape (according to a 1994 study). Or that nearly half of women who were raped did not classify their experience as such (in a 2000 study by the U.S. Department of Justice" (Huffington Post)).
No wonder so many women don't report their assault, on top of being shamed into silence, victims are made to believe, or at least question if what happened to them was normal! Crippling shame compounded by self doubt is the most unfortunate, unwarranted recipe for silence. It's heartbreaking. But, this study leads me to ponder about the other side of the coin: the rapist.
I cant help but wonder if the 84% stat would change if more men really understood what constituted rape. Anyone educated on this subject knows that rape is a power crime, not a horny guy who got "carried away." No means no-- no excuses. But, think about the environment of a typical college campus, where more women than any other age bracket are raped (1/4). For a lot of people, college is a booze fest. And for a some guys, there seems to be a secret competition of who can get with the most girls, during a semester, a weekend...a night. And though there are a lot of men with outstanding character, we all know there are some without it. So I wonder how many guys commit rape but think they're just "doing what it takes" to get some on a Saturday night. Maybe these "84- percenters" would agree they were being "pushy" but don't think their "pushiness" is the same thing as rape- though it clearly is.
A few things led me to this notion. One obviously being the above statistic. 84%- that's outrageously high. But two, I think back to when I was assaulted. When it first happened, I knew two things: 1) I did not consent to what he did and 2) whatever had just happened was terrible, traumatic and wrong. But my head didn't immediately go to rape. It took time for me to fully realize and come to grips with that had happened. So my thought process initially was, if I didn't realize it was rape, did he?
I've talked about this concept before with a friend who was sexually assaulted. She pressed charges but her attacker passed a lie detector test. His actions clearly constituted assault, but, he passed the test. Of course she and I were very angry and in disbelief. How could this happen? We know lie detector tests are hardly (if at all) reliable but it was the principal of it all. Devastating, heartbreaking, infuriating-- confusing. In the dozens of conversations following the news, we came to the idea that maybe he really didn't realize that what he did was illegal. Who knows, maybe he didn't even think it was wrong. What does a person with no sense of moral judgement consider wrong? Add to that a lack of education and it seems to make even more sense. However, be it known that when I contemplate this notion, I am by no means defending any kind of offender. A lack of morals and education does not justify sexual assault. Sexual offenders are still scum of the earth dirt bags. So lack of education just makes them stupid, scum of the earth dirt bags. Either way, dirt is dirt. I'm just curious if the two factors, especially when combined with influences from the media, could partially account for the 84%.
I think back to the situation at Yale where the Delta Kappa Epsilon's marched across the campus chanting "No means yes, yes means anal." I don't think a single guy from that fraternity really thought a whirl-wind of media coverage and a public scolding (or "slap on the wrist") would actually come from that. I think they truly thought they would do their chant, piss off the women's center and get away with it. Hmm, sounds familiar, huh? I think there are some guys out there with a dangerous sense of entitlement who will do what they want to and flat out disregard any objection. Then, they look around (media, friends, legal system) and see others doing it and getting away with it too. It becomes a perfect, sadistic storm.
It is beyond time we as members of society take a stand. We cannot continue to condone movies that mock rape, music that rhymes about it, and a culture that lives it. As a collective, we so desperately need education and public awareness. Without these factors to help women find their voice, and educate the public about the realities of this crime, we will not see the legal system hold these perpetrators accountable. We need a public uprising of warriors, ready to challenge rape supportive attitudes and shine the light on a disguised crime. It is time we rise and say, enough is enough. Because this- this is beyond "more than enough."
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Let' Give Em' Somethin' to Talk About..
Today I had the unique opportunity to speak with four young female members of a student council from an area high school. I was attending a press conference about risky teen behavior and ways to counter the culture. After listening to them talk about the pressures, and issues young people face, I posed a question: "If you could come up with a way to prevent teen substance abuse, how would you do it?" These were their suggestions:
- Have someone who had once struggled with substance abuse come speak at their school. Show a real life example of how their life was destroied by drug and how they turned it around. Ie, not just some authority figure telling them, "drugs are bad."
- Don't just have someone come once, but talk about the topic regualrly. Once is not enough- the novelty fades. In other words, the revived drug addic is effective for a little bit but then the shock value slowly disappears.
- "Cut it out with the posters... We don't read them." I personally thought this one was not funny, but a candid truth I've been saying for a while now, too.
I then asked how they felt about the current "Not Even Once" Meth Campaigns. (For those of you who have not seen them, they are graphic, harrowing stories of how meth can quickly ruin your life. If you want to see one, check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YaO4PMBrJI&feature=youtube_gdata_player )
When I asked this, every girl's face morphed into this expression as if I had suddenly turned into a ghost. All at once they described word for word the commercial (posted above) and how strongly it effected them and how horrified it made them feel.
After the conference was over and people were packing up their things, I asked three of the girls if their high school health class had ever discussed sexual assault. Initially, all three of them said no. Then one of the girls said, "Well, yeah, actually I think so...maybe for like 10 minutes or so." I asked what they said about it and she couldnt remember. The other two continued to deny it had ever take place. I then asked if they would be surprised if I told them that statistically, 1 in 4 college aged women would be the victim of rape before she graduated college. All of their expressions fell. They looked terrified- rightfully. The shock written all over their faces. One girl, a senior, looked at her three friends and said in a stunned whisper, "That's one of us." "I litterally have chills" said another as she lifter her arm to show me.
This experience was intereting for me. In many ways, it was a learning experience. It confirmed some of my ideas about rape education and made me think about others. But I haven't once stopped thinking about what I saw and heard from these young women today. I'm bothered by it, frustrated about it, but yet hopeful at the same time we can change it in the future. I'll explain...
What's frustrating to me is that we live in a society that refuses to acknowledge rape. What's worse is that we attend state funded high schools and pay small fortunes to attend public universities that refuse to not only acknowledge rape's detrimental presence, but even teach us anything about it! Here we're four, hard working, well adjusted upper classmen. They know good and well the risks and dangerous were of alcohol, drugs and tobacco. They are prepared to counter the pressures from their peers to indulge. They take the SAT, pick out a college, find a roommate and excitingly plan their futures. Sadly, the one thing these girls aren't aware of is a life altering crime one of them could be the victim of. This hurts me because I don't want any one to ever be assaulted, but it angers me because they don't even know the risk is out there. I couldn't help but see myself in some of these women. Trying hard to do the right, make good choices and be "ready" for the life ahead of me. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I too attended a high school that never brought it up and a college that did the same. So when it did happen to me, how was I to know what to do? What's a rape kit? Hell, what's rape? I though it was an ally- a stranger. I thought the hospital was for stitches and injuries. It wasn't a stranger, it didn't happen in an ally and I didn't have single mark on my body. How was I to know, when I lived on a campus where "rape" didn't happen?
But, the larger issue is that these campuses sit in a world where rape exists, but "never seems to happen" and victims are intimidated into silence. As a society, we have GOT to start acknowledging rape as a crime and it needs to start on all fronts. Education is a must. Men need to know exactly what rape is. 1 in 12 will commit the actions that constitute rape without acknowledging their actions as rape. We need clear, teachable examples of what rape is and situations it could be. Girls need to know that it happens, and when it does (heaven forbid) what that situation may look like. (ie, a familiar person in a familiar place, often with no more force than intimidation or the rapist just using her inebriation as a weapon.) People need to know how and when to step in when they see a situation that may be dangerous. Resources need to be well known, as does the process of the justice system if she so chooses that route. Most of all, the dialog needs to change. Sure, no one wants to think they know a rapist. It even took me six months to acknowledge my once "friend" as a perpetrator. But here's the reality: you likely know or have at least met at least one guy who's done it. Im not "man hating" and I'm not saying it's a huge group of men doing it. It's not. But the ones who are are doing so over and over again and getting away with it. So while you may have met a perpetrator, you have definitely met a victim- many more than you think. So why are we jumping to his defense instead of hers? Rape is no more falsely reported than any other crime, in fact, it's under reported. And based on the way society treats victims, I can assure you I dont see where women have anything to gain by false acusations. So victim blaming, let's cut it out.
But beyond education, this cause needs acknowledgement. There are meth campaigns, (as I mentioned earlier) drunk driving PSA's, Q
quit smoking ads....where is there any awareness for rape? The media is not all that crazy about saying the "R" word. We need to stop dodging the bullet and call it what it is: illegal in all 50 states and most countries. If the media won't discuss it, educators avoid it, and the legal system protects it (don't even get me started there- I'll save that little gem for a later post) then how can we expect to see a change?
But as I said earlier, I am hopeful we will see a difference. Though most of this blog is a rambling rant, I do have a lot of hope. I don't think I could embark on this Anti-Rape crusade if I didn't. I believe we can make a difference. In the near two weeks the MMOM Movement has been up and running, I have been contacted by hundreds of people who want to change the way our culture deals with rape. People want to see a difference, we've just not been sure how to do it. But now we do...Talk about it! Put it out there! Challenge rape supportive attitudes, empower victims to find their voices, push for better legislation and education... Move the movement! Let's build a society that stops turning it's head, starts educating young people and harbors a world where victims feel accepted, not ostracized. Let's do it, and let's do it together.
- Have someone who had once struggled with substance abuse come speak at their school. Show a real life example of how their life was destroied by drug and how they turned it around. Ie, not just some authority figure telling them, "drugs are bad."
- Don't just have someone come once, but talk about the topic regualrly. Once is not enough- the novelty fades. In other words, the revived drug addic is effective for a little bit but then the shock value slowly disappears.
- "Cut it out with the posters... We don't read them." I personally thought this one was not funny, but a candid truth I've been saying for a while now, too.
I then asked how they felt about the current "Not Even Once" Meth Campaigns. (For those of you who have not seen them, they are graphic, harrowing stories of how meth can quickly ruin your life. If you want to see one, check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YaO4PMBrJI&feature=youtube_gdata_player )
When I asked this, every girl's face morphed into this expression as if I had suddenly turned into a ghost. All at once they described word for word the commercial (posted above) and how strongly it effected them and how horrified it made them feel.
After the conference was over and people were packing up their things, I asked three of the girls if their high school health class had ever discussed sexual assault. Initially, all three of them said no. Then one of the girls said, "Well, yeah, actually I think so...maybe for like 10 minutes or so." I asked what they said about it and she couldnt remember. The other two continued to deny it had ever take place. I then asked if they would be surprised if I told them that statistically, 1 in 4 college aged women would be the victim of rape before she graduated college. All of their expressions fell. They looked terrified- rightfully. The shock written all over their faces. One girl, a senior, looked at her three friends and said in a stunned whisper, "That's one of us." "I litterally have chills" said another as she lifter her arm to show me.
This experience was intereting for me. In many ways, it was a learning experience. It confirmed some of my ideas about rape education and made me think about others. But I haven't once stopped thinking about what I saw and heard from these young women today. I'm bothered by it, frustrated about it, but yet hopeful at the same time we can change it in the future. I'll explain...
What's frustrating to me is that we live in a society that refuses to acknowledge rape. What's worse is that we attend state funded high schools and pay small fortunes to attend public universities that refuse to not only acknowledge rape's detrimental presence, but even teach us anything about it! Here we're four, hard working, well adjusted upper classmen. They know good and well the risks and dangerous were of alcohol, drugs and tobacco. They are prepared to counter the pressures from their peers to indulge. They take the SAT, pick out a college, find a roommate and excitingly plan their futures. Sadly, the one thing these girls aren't aware of is a life altering crime one of them could be the victim of. This hurts me because I don't want any one to ever be assaulted, but it angers me because they don't even know the risk is out there. I couldn't help but see myself in some of these women. Trying hard to do the right, make good choices and be "ready" for the life ahead of me. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I too attended a high school that never brought it up and a college that did the same. So when it did happen to me, how was I to know what to do? What's a rape kit? Hell, what's rape? I though it was an ally- a stranger. I thought the hospital was for stitches and injuries. It wasn't a stranger, it didn't happen in an ally and I didn't have single mark on my body. How was I to know, when I lived on a campus where "rape" didn't happen?
But, the larger issue is that these campuses sit in a world where rape exists, but "never seems to happen" and victims are intimidated into silence. As a society, we have GOT to start acknowledging rape as a crime and it needs to start on all fronts. Education is a must. Men need to know exactly what rape is. 1 in 12 will commit the actions that constitute rape without acknowledging their actions as rape. We need clear, teachable examples of what rape is and situations it could be. Girls need to know that it happens, and when it does (heaven forbid) what that situation may look like. (ie, a familiar person in a familiar place, often with no more force than intimidation or the rapist just using her inebriation as a weapon.) People need to know how and when to step in when they see a situation that may be dangerous. Resources need to be well known, as does the process of the justice system if she so chooses that route. Most of all, the dialog needs to change. Sure, no one wants to think they know a rapist. It even took me six months to acknowledge my once "friend" as a perpetrator. But here's the reality: you likely know or have at least met at least one guy who's done it. Im not "man hating" and I'm not saying it's a huge group of men doing it. It's not. But the ones who are are doing so over and over again and getting away with it. So while you may have met a perpetrator, you have definitely met a victim- many more than you think. So why are we jumping to his defense instead of hers? Rape is no more falsely reported than any other crime, in fact, it's under reported. And based on the way society treats victims, I can assure you I dont see where women have anything to gain by false acusations. So victim blaming, let's cut it out.
But beyond education, this cause needs acknowledgement. There are meth campaigns, (as I mentioned earlier) drunk driving PSA's, Q
quit smoking ads....where is there any awareness for rape? The media is not all that crazy about saying the "R" word. We need to stop dodging the bullet and call it what it is: illegal in all 50 states and most countries. If the media won't discuss it, educators avoid it, and the legal system protects it (don't even get me started there- I'll save that little gem for a later post) then how can we expect to see a change?
But as I said earlier, I am hopeful we will see a difference. Though most of this blog is a rambling rant, I do have a lot of hope. I don't think I could embark on this Anti-Rape crusade if I didn't. I believe we can make a difference. In the near two weeks the MMOM Movement has been up and running, I have been contacted by hundreds of people who want to change the way our culture deals with rape. People want to see a difference, we've just not been sure how to do it. But now we do...Talk about it! Put it out there! Challenge rape supportive attitudes, empower victims to find their voices, push for better legislation and education... Move the movement! Let's build a society that stops turning it's head, starts educating young people and harbors a world where victims feel accepted, not ostracized. Let's do it, and let's do it together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)